Amay's blog

BLANK BOOK By AMAY SAXENA Year – 2002 There had been days when I was sitting workless, wondering – whether I would get this free time ever again, whether these free hours will ever come back to me. Soon, I started pondering over it, realizing that my mind demanded an actual conclusion. I had none. So, I kept on thinking, discussed it with one of my friends, who knew me very well, he also didn’t have an answer to my question. All he said was –”How can I say if you’d have so much of free time ever again?” Having such unhelpful friends is such a pain in the ass; still, I needed an answer to that. I hadn’t done anything this summer vacation, almost nothing, except helping my mother making some cookies. After helping my mother, I started feeling extremely useless, not because I had a sexist mentality, but I felt as if I was not worth doing anything. Was I? I doubted myself. Normally, I had seen people doing extra-curriculum activities like learning swimming, l...

If I could remember anything about that night, I wouldn’t say” – She says. Today If it had to end this way, it should’ve never started. I don’t understand why there’s end to every start?  Well, I heard this particular thing – doesn’t have any ending. But this too is about to end. Well, today I hope – it shouldn’t have started at first place. I still remember those days when both of us loved each other so much that even hands never parted whenever we went out for a walk. Tomorrow – we’re going to drift apart forever. While I accept this truth, in my mind, I am cursing everything and also wondering – why this had to end? He promised – it’d never end and I believed him. Well, I promised him too. Did I keep my promise? Fumbling I look around, even a simple  yes or no  doesn’t come out of my mouth. In my mind, I have already accepted my mistakes and he has even forgiven me. I cannot understand. Too much of confusion still exists in my mind, why love...

PART TWO TODAY There’s no car out there, silent road with rows of trees is all I can see. I put my head out of the window, glancing on either sides, to see if he’s there nearby or his car’s there. But I see no one. I come back and sit on the bed, thinking of calling him again and before I complete thinking – my phone is in my hand and I redial his number. Again, it’s ringing, yet there’s no response. I feel he may have got exceedingly upset and that is the reason why he is avoiding my calls. Well, there’s one thing I can do. I can message him. I open WhatsApp, open his chat, and see that I’m blocked. Yes, he blocked me few days ago because I was constantly messaging him and disturbing him, even though he said – he needed time. I blame myself for that too! I open text message and dial his number and type a text message, which reads: “I feel incomplete without you. Please come back. I don’t want to lose you. At least answer my calls.” I press the send button an...

Copyright - http://www.davidandgillianarchive.com PART ONE “If I could remember anything about that night, I wouldn’t say” – She says. Today If it had to end this way, it should’ve never started. I don’t understand why there’s end to every start?   Well, I heard this particular thing – doesn’t have any ending. But this too is about to end. Well, today I hope – it shouldn’t have started at first place. I still remember those days when both of us loved each other so much that even hands never parted whenever we went out for a walk. Tomorrow – we’re going to drift apart forever. While I accept this truth, in my mind, I am cursing everything and also wondering – why this had to end? He promised – it’d never end and I believed him. Well, I promised him too. Did I keep my promise? Fumbling I look around, even a simple yes or no doesn’t come out of my mouth. In my mind, I have already accepted my mistakes and he has even forgiven me. I cannot understand. T...

HOW OFTEN DO WE COME ACROSS A MAN WHO STANDS ON A DARK ROAD EVERY NIGHT? Since last three years, I have developed this habit of not sleeping until 3 .a.m. in the morning. I don’t know why but I read all night and sleep all day. Everyone at home is mad at me except for one person. That is my father, who is a retired lawyer. Every day it is my mother, who is yelling at me, but I don’t see him having any problem with me reading all night. Initially, I thought he’s bored and he doesn’t give fuck about what I do, but it is not that way. Maybe he’s aware that I am not gonna do anything wrong staying awake all night, I thought. This thought rested other thoughts which were about to take birth and float in my mind for the rest of the time until I got a real answer to it. Helpless, I knew, those’ll come out anyhow.             So, one day, when I was sitting reading a Stephen King novel (I don’t remember the name of the book, ...